Out Of Reach

it's strange to me
the only thing i have ever known
that was stronger than my heart
and your heart
is glass.
think:
what, besides me and you,
can show me who i am?
what can mock me 
what is so honest
what is so cruel?
i looked into the mirror on the wall
i asked who was the fairest of them all
it told me you
and it was true.
think:
how is it i am kept from you now?
i see you as well as, or better than,
i ever have;
and i am not in hiding
though you seem to be
almost ducked behind the drapes
as you always were to them
and newly to me;
and my view is not distorted
as my love is not distorted
as your purpose is not distorted.
think:
what can let me see you, and love you
but not love you?
my heart can and does
your heart can and does
like a window can.
you slide my rings under the door
though i told you, i'd leave it unlocked.
you could break it down anyway
a door is weak, you know,
it doesn't let a tease of you through to me.
think:
the way i can see
the truth in me and you
the way i see myself
the way i can see
and still know, and love
the way i can speak, and give and take warm tones
but i cannot hear your thoughts and i cannot touch
i cannot touch-
god, how i miss that small thing-
it's all just like glass.
the morror that can't lie
the window that gives me some, but denies me most.
it is your heart- it's just glass.
you give me some part, lovely as before
and deny me all the good, the warmth
the touch, the reaching of hands.
my lips on the window,
knowing i could shatter it
and sure i cannot do it
for it isn't right or noble.
i let you go your way
my lips on the window, 
whispering the sweet things you thought you loved,
mouthing the hard words i've learned since then.
my fingertips writing your name, 
my palms calling you to me,
so still for one so restless.
i can see you,
all you are
all your beauty
and you let me, let me look, let me remember
torture from the glass
your heart
that keeps you out of reach

olivia bitting  1998

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