Verano Dos

but for your words i would disown the sun
  and live for night-time tingling my skin
  if only that would mean you were my friend
  and looked at me and overlooked my sin.
     many days i passed you by in sunlight
  walking to the lion for a song
  and never knew, no never had a notion
  that sleeping to my presence lay a goddess
  who, at first sight, had power over me
  to rival that of Luna o'er the sea.
  i think by now you've finished with your tears
  and with your smiles, but just let your eyes be
  never tired of or empty of me;
  and let your lips not rise to voice me down
  but for your lips i would disown the world;
  and all courageous pleasantries unmissed
  for i gladly would replace them with your kiss.
  but in the present night is Luna's mockery
  her laughter falling softly round my ears
  and starshine twinkling to burn my eyes
  my hands reach for what only they can see.
     oh someone take hold of my heart!
     two hands could ease this senseless beating
     i wanted it to stop for her
     but my poor heart bounds on unheeding.

  (oh Sara i have taken to you
   you are my one guardian angel
   yours is the ear that hears me
   even when i do not speak.
   have you no answers for me?
   knowing whispers in my ears?
   what things you could but give to me
   i must earn by all my bloody years.
   Sara give me something!
   what can i take to her?
   she who has all i long for,
   she who yet has me!)

  listen to me now, for you are yet young,
  and living no longer than you, i have begun
  already to die.  and she shall not mourn me;
  my love who i loved for she was more than i,
  who i loved best and for the lightest purpose made her cry-
  but listen to me.  take not your blood
  and paint about your promises.
  words mean nothing to love, best keep them hid;
  let your heart sing silent songs to call the lover
  that which can hear will know how to behave.

  and you, oh love with liquid eyes,
  you live for things that i have seen-
  oh how i would that i could give
  these things to you from my own eyes
  that they pass from me to you like a glance of love,
  that you would have them, who would love them more;
  but that which you desire of me i can't give you
  it wasn't mine to take and is not mine to give.
  you who are too perfect to be loved,
  you who are too cold to be believed,
  what is it that breathed hope into my soul
  and fooled my heart into naive belief?

  what with resistance gone i go to pieces.
  my ear to the breeze in attempt to catch your voice
  when in the glass i saw your hurting mouth,
  and thankfully was spared your shining eyes,
  that glisten in testament to my injustice.
  i am sorry, love, but we have gone beyond that.
  i would beg you back on bended knee
  or give you any treasure, but girl-
  we both know this has gone too far
  redemption isn't in the cards.
  my self-imposed purgatory is,
  though thoroughly shaking my world apart,
  a pale excuse for what i must deserve.
  but what right can i make by myself?
  you alone could suggest suitable terms for my atonement.
  you, who would rather to walk alone than walk with me-
  just perhaps that is example of your truth.
  but my never-ending faith and stubbornness-
  to love on and defend and remember-
  this is a trueness to myself,
  and example of my true undying devotion;
  and my loyalty to you and not to love,
  my loyalty that lives despite your scorn,
  my love that kills me for your sake
  for your sorrows are my doing but you know-
  i am worth my words;
  i am worthy of your eyes.

  olivia bitting  1996

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