in my own image

i admire her, that i made,
for the strength to overcome
and train her still young body
out of conscious recognition
of the body she revered above the world
and i aspire to be like her,
that i made,
that she went far away
and built a life out of her own desires
and ambitions
careful distant of the danger girl
who lived her life with her and shaped her world
with strength enough to form a consciousness
the denied the love of a body
she feared desecration of

but she did drink with her on a rare visit
and they did lean their heads together once
coming away with questions long unanswered
burning back into their living skin
and they did walk slow speechless on their way home
coming accidentally to stop
too near one another to control
regret a word that neither one could know

and they did lean again
in conscious fashion
they did wrap their arms and pull on life
their lips and teeth and tongues finding new language
their hands and bodies newly crossing lines
and waking blanketed but all uncovered
the silent house admonishing no one
they looked and breathed and found forgiveness
for all they had foregone for oh so long

shameless and without regret and silent
they reconciled
and went again to live in seperate lands

so even if i could convince my body
not to draw itself nearer to yours
and even if my eyes could cease in wonder
at your soft stomach
your perfect hands
your lines that graceful melt into each other
your eyes that burn and ice me constantly
would there not come a moment in the darkness
when weakened by the day or by the night
in which we would forget the lessons learned
and come together shameless
without regret?

if i could not create a being so strong
as to deny the beating of her blood
can i believe there is in me the power
to call you friend
and never question
once?

olivia bitting 2001

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