cycle break

i wish you'd call
just so i could hear your voice
even bitter
just one more reminder that i'm
not quite the woman
i used to be
not even the one who stopped
to ask you for a cigarette
if i could say i'm sorry
and keep my face not so straight
you'd have to believe
and soften into love again
i can't sink inside
the steely barriers of pride
so i stand up to you
wear that stone face that you think
is anger
to press the fear and pain into a space
easily hidden
so you left last night for the last time
before i watered everything
and rang a friend at five AM
just because i couldn't let
you see me cry
i won't leave the door unlocked again
there isn't anyone
who wouldn't knock now
cause every week i set your face
somehow to stone and steel
the mark of you still signed in blood
just underneath my skin
i want you to call quietly
or screaming like there was no line between
to give me argument so convincing
i would never question us again
but you don't have a thing to say
because you must agree
and wish that things were different
just like i do

olivia bitting 2001

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